after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
