Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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