remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
