I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I need to sanitize my soul.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
