I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
