Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
