Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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