he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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