I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
