what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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