I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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