It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
