and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
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