no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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