I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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