but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
