There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
