You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
