I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
