thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
