Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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