Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
