new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
