I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
