I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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