My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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