he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
