i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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