Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
