I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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