Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
