hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
