omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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