I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
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He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
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At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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