The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
