i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
