he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
