any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
