community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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