We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
