He uses pillows to masturbate.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
