How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
