If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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