Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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