So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
