she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
