I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
