Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
