i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
