The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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