I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
