I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
