yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
