dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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