well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
