I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
