A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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