no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
