All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
