My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
